Numerology by an Average Joe

It has been said that numbers can carry a greater meaning than simply giving a numeric value. In many cases numbers are linked to superstition, religions, cultures, and (even more vague and mysterious) statistics. The symbolism and meaning behind numbers can seem very complicated, so let me simplify it for you. I have assembled a list of what I believe to be some of the luckiest number-related happenings. Many of these events have happened in my own life, and I can tell you that luck has certainly followed.

First, (this happened to me yesterday) if you ever have a total bill for $7.11 at 7-11, that is a good sign. Something good is coming your way, like a slurpee.  This amazing event brings with it outstanding luck.  As a matter of fact, I'm fairly sure that the only thing luckier is if you spend $7.11 at 7-11 on 7/11! If that ever happens, go ahead and throw caution into the wind, my friend, because you are untouchable. You are so lucky, you could even buy a hot dog at 7-11 and you probably won't die of food poisoning or a spontaneous rupture in your small intestine (a common, but little known side affect of 7-11 hot dogs). Make sure you give it a go on July 11th this year.

The next numeric sign of good luck is far more common. If you ever look at a digital clock (must be digital) at exactly 12:34 in the afternoon, the rest of your day will be fantastic. Now, for this to work there are a few rules. First, you cannot plan or anticipate it happening, it has to be accidental and spontaneous, true serendipity. Second, it has to be 12:34 in the afternoon, if it happens at 12:34 in the morning you have a two things working against you: a) in military time, which is far more precise (numbers prefer precision) it is actually 00:34, which is neither cool, nor lucky. And b) YOU'RE AWAKE AT 12:34 AM!!! Get some rest.  No day will be lucky if you sleep through it.

Finally, if you ever see the number 3.14 (π) in any form (3/14, 3 1/4, 3.14, 3:14, $3.14, etc) and you eat pie on the same day, you will have extra luck as well. Pie and Pi (π) are two different things that are actually cosmically related. I made a chart to explain.

So, after looking at the chart and realizing the infallible logic involved, it becomes painfully clear that any time pi and pie are connected in some way, luck will follow.

Hopefully this brief explanation of luck and numerology will prove beneficial to you as you journey through life day by day. I have found that is has made my life much more enjoyable. Oh, and just in case you were wondering, 'Joe' based numerology only brings good luck, never bad. I'm just an optimistic guy.

Sincerely,

An 'Average' Joe

The Groom's Guide to Planning a Wedding

I have a few friends this summer who are taking the plunge into the pool of matrimonial bliss.  With that in mind I want to say congratulations to all of those who are getting married.  No state of being provides as much joy or happiness in this life.
For those of you currently taking the plunge, let me give you some advice.  Now I know you're getting tons of marriage advice, some good (focus on service and patience), and some not as good (don't forget which toothbrush is yours), but all of it is focused on the time after your wedding.  The real challenge in marriage is getting to the wedding.  Being engaged has nice points, but it is also a period of stress, uncertainty, changing relationships, and dangerous expectations.  My advice, therefore, will not be marriage advice, it will be engagement advice.  I will help you navigate the social minefeild that is engagement.

The first rule, and really the only rule, is that she is right.  It doesn't really matter who she is (fiance, mother, mother-in-law-to be, 87 year old woman next door) she is right, and if you differ in opinion, you are not.  This is one of the most timeless and unchanging laws of nature.  Though your opinion may be asked for on every detail, don't be surprised when none of your opinions are used or even recognized during your engagement.  Don't misunderstand me, marriage is meant to be a bond of equality, with neither the husband nor the wife as the dominant force.   That is not the case during the engagement period.  While engaged she is in charge, you are not.  If there is a difference of opinion on what color to use, what invitations to purchase, or what tuxedo you should rent, go with her idea.  Why?  Because she's right!

Now, you may think this means you have no responsibilities, right? Wrong!  You may not have any decision making powers, but you certainly have responsibilities.  They are to 1) facilitate and 2) support.  Each one of these is very important.  According to Webster Dictionary, to facilitate means to make easier or assist in the progress of something.  That means you do what you can to make it easier on her.  Bring her food when she's out looking at florists or photographers all day.  If there's some other task, non-wedding related, that she need help with, help her out.  If she's feeling so tired she can't think straight, don't beg her to go see the Avengers for the 9th time that week, take her home and let her go to bed.  Facilitate the wedding planning process.

Second, Support the wedding plans.  That means whatever she chooses, do it with a smile on your face.  If she says, I want you to wear a bright orange tux with little blinking LED lights in the lapels, put that jacket on and act like it's the sexiest tux ever tailored.  If she asks you to go with her to shop for bridesmaid dresses, something no groom has ever or will ever pay attention to, offer to drive.  Go, smile, and when she asks you what you think, respond with anything, I repeat ANYTHING other than "I don't care."  You may not care, you may never really care, but that's not important.  What's important is that she feels like you've got her back and she has support.

So again, congratulations and may your marriage be filled with joy and happiness.  But for now, remember, she's right and your job is to facilitate (make easier) and support (showing up physically AND mentally).  Just remember guys, play your cards right now, and she'll make you happier than anything for the rest of your life. 
Oh, and a special thank you to my wife, who I'm certain was far more patient with me than I realize during our engagement.  She's amazing.

Sincerely,
An 'Average' Joe